Today I finished coffee school. I came home: Dead tired. Completely exhausted. Giddy at my accomplishment. Having worked my hardest, and done well at what I did. Amazed at what I learned. Sorry that it's over, yet relieved that it is. Hands permeated with the smell of coffee. Knowing what the NEXT step is, but completely unsure of what my future (even near future) holds. New friends having entered my life. Not knowing where I'll be living this fall...
I brought with me my important paper.
All of the sudden....
All I could see was a year ago: Graduation. Exhausted. Giddy. Hard work with accomplishment. Learning. Sorry yet relieved. Knowing only the very next step. Uncertainty. New friends. An important paper.... it was almost a year ago exactly. My life feels like it's made a complete lap around some sort of track.
As I look back over the last year, I am in complete and utter awe at what God has done in my life. I can see ways he's grown and shaped me. Looking at the pains and battles that I've fought, I can only see now looking in the rear view mirror the good that God had for me.
This past year, I've grown up. I've had incredible opportunities that many people much older than me couldn't even begin to have. I've accomplished a lot. I've worked hard. People have come into and have left my life. They've made impacts on me. I've had relationships of all different types. I've driven multiple hour drives by myself. I've gone to college classes and passed them. I've learned better how to get along with and love my family.
But more importantly, my walk with Christ has grown. I've learned (as in TRULY learned, not just head knowledge learned) that my testimony is important and that God doesn't see me as a "smaller trophy" that is less desirable to put on his shelf. God has shown me his love and his sovereignty over and over. He's given me strength. He's blessed me. He's given me friends to speak his truth into my life. He's given me friends and let me speak his truth into their lives.
Yes, this past year has been hard. There have been many nights of crying myself to sleep. There have been times of heartbreak for a friend. There have been times of elation and joy. There has been fun. There has been hard.
...there has been extreme hard...hard that I could see no good in...situations that seem impossible...
Sitting here, right now, alone in my room, the comforting click of the keys on my laptop... I look back. All I can say is that I'm completely overwhelmed and brought to tears at seeing God. I feel his love. I see his work. I know he cares.
I am closer to him and all I desire is to grow closer and closer and closer...
God is so gracious to give us rear view mirrors. They teach us about him. They make us more in love with him. They show us that he knew all along what he was doing.
He never left me. He never abandoned me or left me on my own. He never left me to figure out for myself what I was going to do. He loves me. He gives me strength to carry on.
Take a minute to look in your own rear view mirror, then thank and praise God for what you see of Him in your mirror.
