...when you feel like a complete failure...

Thoughts in Me

Sitting here, yet again, watching everyone go off for the life I think I want...It looks like all that... but my live's been chosen.

I'm stuck: I'm no longer a child, I'm not yet an adult. How am I supposed to live my life? I want to move out because I'm adult; I want to stay home because I'm a child.

I want someone who needs me. I want somewhere to be involved - to make a difference... I want to make a difference in one specific area of Warsaw. I want to go overseas and make a difference in the life of someone who has no chance at life. I want to minister to a girl who's alone and scared... so here I sit, in my comfortable house, in my messy room with too much stuff, money sitting in my bank account...

On one hand, I want someone just to see that everything's not going as well as they think. But at the same time, if anyone does, I feel selfish - like they shouldn't be paying attention to me...



In agony, my heart cries out.
Stretching, reaching, it reaches to You.
You seem so far, but You're right with me.

I miss You, desire You, want none but You...
Yet overwhelmed by the hardships I endure,
I run away instead.

Though Your protection is all around me,
I feel as though I live a solitary existance.

Do They See Me?

When all I want is the worst I could do...
when I think that it's the only way to get thru...
when what I need will only hurt you...

I'll be there for those around.
I'll listen when trials abound.

Who is there for me when I need the most?
Who knows I feel so very lost?
Who cares when I have nothing left?

You give me so much.
I haven't given you enough.
I give them so much.
Do they see me?

Right Decisions

Here I lay, knowing what decision I need to make - not wanting to make it.

I feel like a hypocrite, having spent much of my time lately sharing with my friends how - when they know what it is - they must make the right decision.
"...[Y]ou know better than to do something against what God wants. Yes, God forgives and loves us regardless of what we do, but that doesn't make it ok to go against Him... Quite the opposite! If we are truly His, we wouldn't chose to go against Him ever!"

...Or was that God showing me what I needed to know for when He showed me MY decision that I needed to make?


God, give me the strength to make MY right decision.