SO....
I'm seventeen. I'm graduated from high school... What ELSE would I be spending my time doing but applying to colleges??
NEway...

Today I've been working on "making choices for the rest of my life..." aka looking at, applying to and scheduling visits to colleges, weighing other options for the coming year OTHER than college, etc.

As I was applying to one of the colleges, they have the "write an essay for each of these two questions" section. One of the questions was: Describe how you would like to see your faith grow during your college years.
As I answered this question, I found that it really is an important question to know the answer to, regardless of where I go to college, if I go to college, or what part of my life I'm in.

Here I'll share my answer to this question. (Although I guess it's not so much a QUESTION seeing as there's no "?" in it!! :P)

During my college years, I am hoping and praying that my relationship with Christ will bloom and grow as it never has before. I understand that college (no matter WHAT college I choose, or what denomination that college is or isn’t affiliated with) will not MAKE this happen, but it can significantly impact my growth.
I hope to grow more in love with Christ ‘til I can’t go a day without spending time in his presence and ‘til I long for it like nothing else. I want to become so enraptured with His beauty that it fills my soul. I want to fully understand His love for me until it completely overrides all my desires for human love and acceptance, or worth found in mankind.
I desire to have the kind of relationship with Christ that radiates His love to those around me. I want to stand out in a crowd as someone who is different on the inside and point others to Christ thru my daily life.
So, in summary… I want to grow in my personal relationship with the Lord, I want to increase my “practical application” type time with the Lord (things like prayer and reading my Bible), and I want to have the evidence of my relationship with the Lord grow until it can’t help but be noticed.

Trading My Sorrows!

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning




We sang this song again tonight at youth group: it's one of our favorites both to play as a worship team, and to sing as a youth group.
This song is CRAZY fun... If you haven't heard it... wow, first of all. (Listen! http://free.napster.com/player/?play_id=18814736&type=track ) We love that this song is upbeat. We jump, dance, spin, sing as loud as we can. My one youth leader acts it out and just does anything crazy he can to make those leading laugh... but, do we ever stop to think about this song?

I AM laying down my sorrows... I AM laying down my shame... I AM laying down my sickness... I AM laying down my pain... I'm trading them for the JOY of the LORD!! We don't need to hang on to them. In our goofed up human-ness, we hang on to our sorrow and our pain. We find some sort of comfort and identity in it. But why?? The JOY of the Lord is soo much better! Why do I hang on to my sorrow? We've all experienced Joy at some point - the beginning of spring may bring it, I'm told that having a child brings it; maybe it's a gorgeous day in the sun listening to the birds sing that brings joy - there's no better feeling! Laying down our sorrows, shame, sickness and pain is a choice. God freely offers us His joy, but we have to choose it. I must chose to let His joy reign in me and not let the other define me or drag me down. I must focus on the good.

We say YES LORD YES LORD YES YES LORD!!! Am I truly saying "Yes Lord!"? Am I truly accepting the Joy He has stored up for me? Am I listening to His calls for me to give up those things I hang on to? Have I made the choice?

I am pressed, but I AM NOT crushed! I am persecuted, but I AM NOT abandoned! I am struck down but I AM NOT destroyed! Bad things happen to me, but My God and His Strength and Joy are bigger, stronger and better! He sustains and protects me. I cannot experience anything so that he couldn't or wouldn't protect me. He loves me.
I am BLESSED BEYOND the curse. No matter WHAT happens to me, HIS blessings are FAR greater than any negative that will happen to me!
His Promise WILL endure! He PROMISES to love, protect, cherish, bless, and sustain me. He promises his Strength and Joy. This promise is forever: it will not end, it will not run out.
The sorrow may last for tonight, but with the morning comes HIS joy!!

Oh God...

How am I supposed to ...

God, you love her so much. She hasn't let you down.
She says she drags everyone down and makes them miserable. She says she's failed You too many times. She says when she tries to talk to You, she feels like she's talking to air. She doesn't understand MY love, how could she understand Yours?
She wants me to fix it. She wants me to tell her what to do.
She says she's lost. She says she "just doesn't know what to do any more." She says she doesn't want to die, but it's all she thinks about anymore. She says she's never wanted to cut more...
Thank you for giving her little children who look up to her so she won't. Thank you that you stopped her from taking more pills. Thank you for protecting her and letting us help.

Oh God!
Give me strength. Give me love. Give me wisdom.
How am I supposed to...
God, I am innadequate. I cannot love her. I cannot show her she matters. I cannot show her that her life has meaning.

She's not a drag. She's not unlovable. She hasn't let you down too many times. She's not just talking to air. She's not alone. She's not beyond your reach.

Oh God!
You love her so much.
Is your heart rending in two like mine? Is it racked with pain? Tears stream down your face...
Will you sleep tonight? Can you breathe?

When we cried together, you cried to. When I could not stand, you held me up.

God, give me words to speak. Shine through me. Let me be your arms and feet. Show her your heart.

Oh God!

How am I supposed to....