Thought for Today...

If every time we
loved someone
missed someone
were mad at someone
thought about someone
we prayed for them... how much different would our world be?

Prayer is such a powerful tool...so why don't we make use of it??
If you were trying to screw together an Ikea shelf, and you had a cordless drill laying right next to you (with the right bit in it, even!), why would you use a screwdriver??
Ok, so that may be a bad example (because I'm sure there are times you would use a screwdriver....PLUS it just isn't a good example...) but my point still stands.

I challenge me to pray for those I miss, love, am mad at, and think about.
I challenge you to join me.

How different will your world be?

Abortion...

Something made me sick today...
Yes, abortion makes me sick. It hurts to the depths of my being. It's murder. It's wrong.
But do you know what's worse than abortion???

I'm a "fan" of a page on Facebook called "As a former fetus, I oppose abortion."

Today this group posted a link to an abortion clinic that performs (and advertises) late term abortions. When they posted the link, this is what they wrote:

"What a sick man! He actually advertises late term abortions! Please call his office and let him know how discusting his practice is!"

First of all, I went to the doctor's website. I wanted to see if what the group was saying was true. The doctor talks about his reasoning for late term abortions on his site:

"Patients coming in for very late abortion - over 26 menstrual weeks' gestation - are almost always seeking services for termination of a desired pregnancy that has developed serious complications. This usually means the discovery of a catastrophic fetal anomaly or genetic disorder that guarantees death, suffering, or serious disability for the baby that would be delivered if the pregnancy were to continue to term. Occasionally a woman presents at this stage for pregnancy termination because of her own severe medical illness or a psychiatric indication." (here)

There are currently 35 comments on this post from other "fans" of the page. many of them are people condemning the doctor. People have called his office and called the doctor and all his staff "pigs." The doctor is called "Dr. Evil of Mankind." He's called "Satan Enfleshed," "Sick," "a butcher." People comment on how they want to abort all the doctors who perform abortions.....

Looking at the abortion site makes me sick - thinking about how many babies have been lost and murdered...


...but you know what makes me MORE sick???


How can we claim to be followers of Christ, of the God who IS Love, when we would be so horrible to one of His creation?!?

The doctor is not a believer in Jesus. He has no basis for seeing this as wrong. (Ex: we as Christians would not say it's wrong for women to show their ankles as some religions do. We have no basis for that.To us it is not wrong.)

What this doctor is doing is wrong, but why would he do anything else? How can we expect someone who doesn't believe in the FOUNDATION of truth to SEE the truth?

This man is wrong, but HE is not a sick human - he's just committing sick acts. Jesus wouldn't condemn him or hate him. Is this man's sin any different than the sins we commit every day? We commit gluttony, lust, hate, jealousy, we lie.... but no one condemns us for those sins. No one calls us sick. No one hates us for our sins... In God's eyes ALL sins are equal and deserve death...ALL sins.

Jesus would love him. How will this man change what he is doing unless Christ first reaches him through loving people and changes his heart? Rather than condemning him (and others like him) why don't we pray for him in love?

Love Songs

soooosososoSO many love songs can be songs about/to God... Is this a coincidence? I think not - seeing as our deepest longing is to be in God's love, but our world tells us it's human love.... It makes complete sense...
Think about it...

The Question

There’s a question always ringing.
It’s in my head; pain it brings.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?

There’s a questions burning deep
It is always close, close with me.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?

There’s a question down inside
Buried deep - the depths of my mind.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?

Give me answers, let me know.
All this pain I do not show.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?

The pain you bring,
Do you know how much you sting?
The pain I bear,
Do you know, or care?

This question always ringing…
This question burning deep…
This question down inside…
These answers I do not know…
Is it always gonna be like this?


Brittany Stichter, September 2010

Growing Up...(though some would point out: not literally...) :P :)

SO! Driving down to the pool store: Elmo flying out the window (holding his hand), a teddy bear buckled into the carseat behind me, and a duck each on the antenna and dashboard... YES this is how I celebrate my last day as a child, NO it won't change tomorrow when I'm an "adult"... Welcome to Brittany!! :D :D :D


Yepp. I turn 18 tomorrow... I'm pretty excited, not gonna lie.
Now, I know that it's not some magical day where my life completely changes, and I no longer have any parental authority over me, and I'm free to do whatever I want...

For one, I want to know why our culture gets soooo excited about 18.... for example, what is it about tomorrow that I AM allowed to check out R rated movies at the library (not that I plan to! ...well...unless I find Gran Torino, maybe...) ;) but I'm not mature enough today? I reaallllllyy don't understand the huge difference. I also know for a fact that I won't wake up tomorrow feeling any different (except maybe more rested, since my wonderful Mother is taking my shift at the shop!! :D)...idk. Just seems weird to me.

BUT anyway... As I was driving around, holding Elmo's hand and THOROUGHLY enjoying my ducks and teddy bear, I was thinking about growing up... (yeah, I know, it doesn't exactly seem like I'm growing up much, right?? :P)
I really don't want get all "I'm 18... I'm so amazing and adultish. Plus, I can't play with teddy bears and Elmo balloons, because it's not cool and I might look stupid..."..... that's so sad and boring...
So all the sayings like "you don't stop having fun because you grow old; you grow old because you stop having fun"? I'm planning to live that. While it might be cliche, it seems so true to me...

Mad at God

God is so good. When I was feeling friendless, he brought one of my best friends from when I was younger back into my life.
…then she was moving.
God showed me that I had two other best friends who I hadn’t even thought of.
…they both left for college.

I was upset. I was hurt. I was lonely. Then I realized: I was mad at God.

I had never been mad at God before. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do.
I was talking with one of my closest friends about it. The night before, I had been told "go ahead and be mad at God. He's big enough to handle it. Be mad, yell at him. He doesn't care." Now today I was told “keep fighting.” …I always thought I wasn’t supposed to be mad at God. I thought I wasn’t supposed to fight God.
The next thing I was told was to think of God as my father. My father….. My father hates it when I’m hurt. He hates it when I am lonely. He wants me to come to him, to look for love and companionship in him. He doesn’t want me to be mad at him, but he’s bigger than my anger. He’s bigger than my pain.
I’m not supposed to fight God, but I’m also not supposed to just give up, never get over it, not learn anything from it,

Anger happens. Jesus got angry. Each and every one of us has heard many times “Anger isn’t wrong, what you DO with your anger is what makes it wrong.”
Angry happens. Getting angry at God… I still don’t know what I think. Anger results from feeling cheated, like you aren’t getting what’s rightfully yours, what you deserve.
God never cheats us. He DOESN’T give us what’s rightfully ours or what we deserve, but we can’t get angry about that: all we deserve is death, condemnation, Hell…


I still don’t know what I think about getting angry at God…
I know I have to chose not to be angry at God anymore.

God will provide the friends I need. He won’t leave me missing something I need.

...when you feel like a complete failure...

Thoughts in Me

Sitting here, yet again, watching everyone go off for the life I think I want...It looks like all that... but my live's been chosen.

I'm stuck: I'm no longer a child, I'm not yet an adult. How am I supposed to live my life? I want to move out because I'm adult; I want to stay home because I'm a child.

I want someone who needs me. I want somewhere to be involved - to make a difference... I want to make a difference in one specific area of Warsaw. I want to go overseas and make a difference in the life of someone who has no chance at life. I want to minister to a girl who's alone and scared... so here I sit, in my comfortable house, in my messy room with too much stuff, money sitting in my bank account...

On one hand, I want someone just to see that everything's not going as well as they think. But at the same time, if anyone does, I feel selfish - like they shouldn't be paying attention to me...



In agony, my heart cries out.
Stretching, reaching, it reaches to You.
You seem so far, but You're right with me.

I miss You, desire You, want none but You...
Yet overwhelmed by the hardships I endure,
I run away instead.

Though Your protection is all around me,
I feel as though I live a solitary existance.

Do They See Me?

When all I want is the worst I could do...
when I think that it's the only way to get thru...
when what I need will only hurt you...

I'll be there for those around.
I'll listen when trials abound.

Who is there for me when I need the most?
Who knows I feel so very lost?
Who cares when I have nothing left?

You give me so much.
I haven't given you enough.
I give them so much.
Do they see me?

Right Decisions

Here I lay, knowing what decision I need to make - not wanting to make it.

I feel like a hypocrite, having spent much of my time lately sharing with my friends how - when they know what it is - they must make the right decision.
"...[Y]ou know better than to do something against what God wants. Yes, God forgives and loves us regardless of what we do, but that doesn't make it ok to go against Him... Quite the opposite! If we are truly His, we wouldn't chose to go against Him ever!"

...Or was that God showing me what I needed to know for when He showed me MY decision that I needed to make?


God, give me the strength to make MY right decision.

These Emotions and Feelings...

These emotions and feelings are tearing me up: what am I supposed to do? Am I in the wrong?

"Have you given them to God?
If you have truely given them, why do you have to keep doing it?
Do you give them up, then take them back?"

I HAVE given them up.
I have TRUELY given them up.
I havne't taken them back.

These emotions and feelings are tearing me up: what am I supposed to do? Am I in the wrong?

I have given these feelings to the One who created them, who created me. I have let them go. He can do with them as He sees fit. I want to do and feel as He desires.
I have not taken them back, but I find myself holding them. I have given them up, but I find myself holding them. I am not holding them in a closed fist, but rather in an outstreched hand, open for him to give and take as He desires.

These emotions and feelings are tearing me up: what am I supposed to do? Am I in the wrong?

They feel so right. They feel so wrong.
I know it can't be - at least not now.
I know it can't be - not as things are now.
I know it can't be - but it's what I want.

I want it so bad. It's not a raging desire. It does not consume me at all times.
It is, rather, a peaceful desire. There is, to any desire, an element of reaching.
I am not reaching yelling and screaming. I am reaching, but waiting. I am an outstreched hand, invinting to be taken, but not demanding.

These emotions and feelings are tearing me up: what am I supposed to do? Am I in the wrong?

My Reply: "Through My Eyes: Childhood Memories"

I recently found the blog of one of my LCA friends. I was reading through it tonight and came across a blog that really made me think...
It's stuff that I've thought about before, but still... Every time it comes to mind, I have a new realization, a new determination, a new outcome.
Through My Eyes: Childhood Memories

Some of my childhood memories are, I'm sure, some of the same ones Ben would have... Things like climbing a tree... But I also have memories of other things...
-shoving a friend in the dirt
-bossing my brother
-demanding my way
-manipulating at a concert to sit by who I wanted to...and I'm sure hurting other friends in the process...

Now I stop and think some more... Am I different now than I was? Would I still do these things, and others that I barely even admit to myself that I did? Am I different? Am I worse?

I can see so many ways that I'm different now from who I was a year ago, before LCA, before LGBC, from my earliest memories...
But I can also see so many ways that I'm not nearly as different as I would like to be...

"Wait and See" by Brandon Heath puts it so perfectly:

There is hope, for me yet,
because God won't forget,
all the plans He's made for me
I have to wait and see,
He's not finished with me yet,
He's not finished with me yet!

Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestlin' with my fear.
But oh...He's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
that I'm not here for nothin'.
He's up to somethin'!

He Loves Us

"Cause He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves..."


He loves us. When the world is crooked, lies, cheats, steals... He is in control. He will take care of us.

'Cause He loves us.

Jumping Armadillos

God sets his lowest standard just above the highest reach of the tallest person. Thus, we never have an excuse to stop growing or trying.




Many people take this fact and decide that - since they can never reach the standard anyway - they won't even try. How tragic!
Our Father loves us! He doesn't ask that we reach the highest that someone else can. Instead, He asks us to reach the highest that we can.


Imagine going to a zoo and finding that an armadillo's food was kept up as high as a giraffe's food. You've all seen the giraffe's pen at the zoo. You've seen that funny little cage thing hanging way up in the air by where the giraffes' heads are. The zoo keeper is not going to expect an armadillo to reach that high.

Now, if the armadillo is being trained to stretch or jump, his food still isn't going to put the where the giraffe's is. Instead, it will be put just at the top of the armadillo's reach. The zoo keeper does not expect more than the armadillo can give. The keeper instead puts the food just high enough that the armadillo has to try its hardest. Then, when the armadillo is no longer trying as hard as it can, the keeper would raise the food higher.


Now, given, this is a crazy example ( - product of my tired mind...). However, I still think it goes far in exemplifying my point. (How's THAT for a $20 word, considering it came from a mind that's teaching armadillos to jump??)

God wants each of us to do our best, not our neighbor (or friend, or sibling, or anyone else)'s best. While we can't reach God's standard, we can always reach higher than we are reaching now.


Now, imagine that the keeper at the zoo is teaching the giraffe to stretch or jump. The keeper will not be satisfied with the giraffe when it reaches the armadillo's best. The keeper knows the giraffe can do better.


God's standard is high, but only so we can never become complacent with where we are.

Be still, my soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change God faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
to guide the future, as in ages past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
the Christ who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow for forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.



My soul needs rest...
God, grant me rest.

Discouraged

What is the opposite of discouraged?
Enthusiastic? Optimistic? Excited?

I was at small groups tonight and all of a sudden (not like I've thought about it before), I realized that the opposite of "discouraged" is (well, "encouraged," technically... but) COURAGE.

We think of "discouraged" as "weary, weighed down, frustrated, demoralized" etc.
We think of "encouraged" as "feeling good, knowing we can do it, having been built up" etc.

The root word (now, I am no word scholar or language scholar or anything like that) [it seems to me] is COURAGE.

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear. (dictionary.com)



So...

With this whole coffee shop... All I feel any more is discouragement, fear, overwhelm-tion (yes, I made that word up), stress, beaten down-ness (I make words up a lot), broken-hearted-ness. I'm dead tired. I just want it to be over - or better yet, to never have started.


However...
I'm feeling all this discouragement. I need to instead have courage.

We are told over and over and over in the Bible not to be discouraged. Given - it's usually to a specific person to whom God has given a specific task.
We really do feel like God wants us to open this shop, though, so I think it still applies.
God tells these people over and over that He will go with them. (Look at this.)

This isn't a matter of feeling up, or excited or what-have-you, about the shop. It's about having courage.

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear. (dictionary.com)

It's not that I have to feel all "up" or whatever, but I DO have to have COURAGE. COURAGE that God knows what He is doing. He loves me and wants the best for me.


Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7, NLT)

Completely Captured Heart

Destiny Rescue.

This organization has completely captured my heart.
I had never heard of them before about a week and a half ago. I went with my mom to a jewelry party, fully expecting the typical expensive, pretty, oreder-tonight-and-host-gets-a-gift jewelry. I was completely blown away and touched.

Destiny Rescue is an organization that children and young people out of their horrible life. These children are lured or sold into the sex trade. Destiny Rescue then "provides a safe home, where care, love, counselling and hugs abound. These girls and young women receive an education and training, allowing them to rebuild their lives and have a hope for the future once again."


At the jewelry party, I joined Destiny Rescue and became a member in what is called the 26 Second Challange.
A brief summary of this challange:
-Why it's called the 26 Second Challange: Every 26 seconds a child is being lured or sold into the sex trade.
-How I became a member: a one-time gift of $40.
-I received a gorgeous 26 Second Challange necklace! (->)
-What I have committed to as a member: 1) praying for these children. 2) finding two other people to join me in the 26 Second Challange. 3) wearing my necklace for 26 or more days, and whenever asked about it, sharing the plight of these children.

(More about the 26 Second Challange here)

Won't you join me? Please, consider it. It's $40. We spend that much on a 17th pair of shoes, or an 8th pair of jeans. Or even more than that on coffee/ice cream/what ever through a month. When you join me, contact me and I'll give you my member ID so your tree can be part of mine. I know. I sound like...idk...Like a Pampered Chef saleswomen... I'm not just selling something. My heart bleeds for these children. Thoughts of them bring me to tears...

Think about this too: in the minute it took you to read this, two children were lured or sold into the sex trade. In the 26 seconds it takes you to decide if you can afford $40, another child is sold or lured into the sex trade.


I have a friend who is going to spend 2 or more months in Thailand serving with Destiny Rescue. Pray for him. (Taylor's blog) Praise God for his opportunity!




(oh, there's a guys' version of the necklace, too)

Rules

I will not be governed by fear. It will not subjugate me. Rules and laws are to bring freedom, not to be a product of fear.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

We are clearly told here that we are not to be fearful or live in fear. So, if a rule is set up by an authority [potentially] over you, but it is set up because of their fear... how does this work? I will not be governed by fear... Do I submit myself to the rules of this authority?

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men..." -1 Peter 2:13

So, again... How does one know what to do with this? Where is the ballance?

Rearview Mirror and Important Papers

Today I finished coffee school. I came home: Dead tired. Completely exhausted. Giddy at my accomplishment. Having worked my hardest, and done well at what I did. Amazed at what I learned. Sorry that it's over, yet relieved that it is. Hands permeated with the smell of coffee. Knowing what the NEXT step is, but completely unsure of what my future (even near future) holds. New friends having entered my life. Not knowing where I'll be living this fall...
I brought with me my important paper.
All of the sudden....


All I could see was a year ago: Graduation. Exhausted. Giddy. Hard work with accomplishment. Learning. Sorry yet relieved. Knowing only the very next step. Uncertainty. New friends. An important paper.... it was almost a year ago exactly. My life feels like it's made a complete lap around some sort of track.


As I look back over the last year, I am in complete and utter awe at what God has done in my life. I can see ways he's grown and shaped me. Looking at the pains and battles that I've fought, I can only see now looking in the rear view mirror the good that God had for me.

This past year, I've grown up. I've had incredible opportunities that many people much older than me couldn't even begin to have. I've accomplished a lot. I've worked hard. People have come into and have left my life. They've made impacts on me. I've had relationships of all different types. I've driven multiple hour drives by myself. I've gone to college classes and passed them. I've learned better how to get along with and love my family.
But more importantly, my walk with Christ has grown. I've learned (as in TRULY learned, not just head knowledge learned) that my testimony is important and that God doesn't see me as a "smaller trophy" that is less desirable to put on his shelf. God has shown me his love and his sovereignty over and over. He's given me strength. He's blessed me. He's given me friends to speak his truth into my life. He's given me friends and let me speak his truth into their lives.

Yes, this past year has been hard. There have been many nights of crying myself to sleep. There have been times of heartbreak for a friend. There have been times of elation and joy. There has been fun. There has been hard.
...there has been extreme hard...hard that I could see no good in...situations that seem impossible...
Sitting here, right now, alone in my room, the comforting click of the keys on my laptop... I look back. All I can say is that I'm completely overwhelmed and brought to tears at seeing God. I feel his love. I see his work. I know he cares.
I am closer to him and all I desire is to grow closer and closer and closer...

God is so gracious to give us rear view mirrors. They teach us about him. They make us more in love with him. They show us that he knew all along what he was doing.
He never left me. He never abandoned me or left me on my own. He never left me to figure out for myself what I was going to do. He loves me. He gives me strength to carry on.

Take a minute to look in your own rear view mirror, then thank and praise God for what you see of Him in your mirror.

Have you ever just sat and cried because you Wanted God?

SO....
I'm seventeen. I'm graduated from high school... What ELSE would I be spending my time doing but applying to colleges??
NEway...

Today I've been working on "making choices for the rest of my life..." aka looking at, applying to and scheduling visits to colleges, weighing other options for the coming year OTHER than college, etc.

As I was applying to one of the colleges, they have the "write an essay for each of these two questions" section. One of the questions was: Describe how you would like to see your faith grow during your college years.
As I answered this question, I found that it really is an important question to know the answer to, regardless of where I go to college, if I go to college, or what part of my life I'm in.

Here I'll share my answer to this question. (Although I guess it's not so much a QUESTION seeing as there's no "?" in it!! :P)

During my college years, I am hoping and praying that my relationship with Christ will bloom and grow as it never has before. I understand that college (no matter WHAT college I choose, or what denomination that college is or isn’t affiliated with) will not MAKE this happen, but it can significantly impact my growth.
I hope to grow more in love with Christ ‘til I can’t go a day without spending time in his presence and ‘til I long for it like nothing else. I want to become so enraptured with His beauty that it fills my soul. I want to fully understand His love for me until it completely overrides all my desires for human love and acceptance, or worth found in mankind.
I desire to have the kind of relationship with Christ that radiates His love to those around me. I want to stand out in a crowd as someone who is different on the inside and point others to Christ thru my daily life.
So, in summary… I want to grow in my personal relationship with the Lord, I want to increase my “practical application” type time with the Lord (things like prayer and reading my Bible), and I want to have the evidence of my relationship with the Lord grow until it can’t help but be noticed.

Trading My Sorrows!

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning




We sang this song again tonight at youth group: it's one of our favorites both to play as a worship team, and to sing as a youth group.
This song is CRAZY fun... If you haven't heard it... wow, first of all. (Listen! http://free.napster.com/player/?play_id=18814736&type=track ) We love that this song is upbeat. We jump, dance, spin, sing as loud as we can. My one youth leader acts it out and just does anything crazy he can to make those leading laugh... but, do we ever stop to think about this song?

I AM laying down my sorrows... I AM laying down my shame... I AM laying down my sickness... I AM laying down my pain... I'm trading them for the JOY of the LORD!! We don't need to hang on to them. In our goofed up human-ness, we hang on to our sorrow and our pain. We find some sort of comfort and identity in it. But why?? The JOY of the Lord is soo much better! Why do I hang on to my sorrow? We've all experienced Joy at some point - the beginning of spring may bring it, I'm told that having a child brings it; maybe it's a gorgeous day in the sun listening to the birds sing that brings joy - there's no better feeling! Laying down our sorrows, shame, sickness and pain is a choice. God freely offers us His joy, but we have to choose it. I must chose to let His joy reign in me and not let the other define me or drag me down. I must focus on the good.

We say YES LORD YES LORD YES YES LORD!!! Am I truly saying "Yes Lord!"? Am I truly accepting the Joy He has stored up for me? Am I listening to His calls for me to give up those things I hang on to? Have I made the choice?

I am pressed, but I AM NOT crushed! I am persecuted, but I AM NOT abandoned! I am struck down but I AM NOT destroyed! Bad things happen to me, but My God and His Strength and Joy are bigger, stronger and better! He sustains and protects me. I cannot experience anything so that he couldn't or wouldn't protect me. He loves me.
I am BLESSED BEYOND the curse. No matter WHAT happens to me, HIS blessings are FAR greater than any negative that will happen to me!
His Promise WILL endure! He PROMISES to love, protect, cherish, bless, and sustain me. He promises his Strength and Joy. This promise is forever: it will not end, it will not run out.
The sorrow may last for tonight, but with the morning comes HIS joy!!

Oh God...

How am I supposed to ...

God, you love her so much. She hasn't let you down.
She says she drags everyone down and makes them miserable. She says she's failed You too many times. She says when she tries to talk to You, she feels like she's talking to air. She doesn't understand MY love, how could she understand Yours?
She wants me to fix it. She wants me to tell her what to do.
She says she's lost. She says she "just doesn't know what to do any more." She says she doesn't want to die, but it's all she thinks about anymore. She says she's never wanted to cut more...
Thank you for giving her little children who look up to her so she won't. Thank you that you stopped her from taking more pills. Thank you for protecting her and letting us help.

Oh God!
Give me strength. Give me love. Give me wisdom.
How am I supposed to...
God, I am innadequate. I cannot love her. I cannot show her she matters. I cannot show her that her life has meaning.

She's not a drag. She's not unlovable. She hasn't let you down too many times. She's not just talking to air. She's not alone. She's not beyond your reach.

Oh God!
You love her so much.
Is your heart rending in two like mine? Is it racked with pain? Tears stream down your face...
Will you sleep tonight? Can you breathe?

When we cried together, you cried to. When I could not stand, you held me up.

God, give me words to speak. Shine through me. Let me be your arms and feet. Show her your heart.

Oh God!

How am I supposed to....

One Day

As I sat in church today listening to the works of “Better is One Day,” a thought struck me…

You know that feeling after you’ve been with your best friend, your family, mentor, etc, when you’ve had an absolutely amazing time? Your heart is full to overflowing with fun, love, joy, and encouragement. At the end of the day, all you want is another day of the same. You long for it… Yet, at the same time, you know that you can go on. You’re full. Even just one day will carry you.

This is how our “one better day” with God is. We enter God’s presence and spend time with him. At the end of our time with God, we are full to overflowing with joy, fun, pleasure, love, encouragement. When we leave, all we want is more of the same, another chunk of time with God. And yet, we can carry on. This one day (or hour, church service, song on the radio, whatever it may be) will carry us. We don’t long for more time any less, but we know we will be ok.

Better is ONE DAY in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere!!!


Better Is One Day
How lovely is
Your dwelling place
Oh Lord Almighty,
For my soul doth long
And even faint
For You
Oh, here my heart
Is satisfied
Within Your presence
I see beneath
The shadow of
Your wings

Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere (x2)

One thing I ask,
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells (x2)


Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere (x4)


My heart and flesh cry out
For You, the Living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul
I've tasted, and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You
To You

Better is one day
Better is one day
Better is one day
Than thousands elsewhere (x2)

Testimonial Thoughts

So at youth, our leaders have been taking turns the last few weeks sharing their testimonies. It’s really gotten me to think…

I've always thought: “I don’t have a testimony. When I became a Christian, I wasn’t coming from some horrible background. I’ve never done anything horrible. I just…am a Christian…”
I remember the first time I saw that God had worked directly so that something someone else had gone thru, not only could they see why they had had to go thru it for THEM, but we could both see how they had gone thru it so years later, they could help ME.
I’m realizing that maybe I DO have a testimony to share. I DO have things in my life that are amazing. I DO have more than just “I was a baby. I accepted Jesus. I lived. Here I am.” God has done amazing things in me. He has worked, stretched, tried, tested, molded, and is perfecting me in so many ways.

Just because I haven’t had an abortion, been into drugs, been in JuV, or even crashed my parents’ car, skipped school, purposely acted differently around one group of people or another… doesn’t mean I don’t have a story to tell. I do. I even have a story that can touch people.

God, thank you for working in me. Thank you for giving me my own, unique story. Thank you that you’re not finished with me yet.

Not a Failure...

Ok. So this blog sounds all full of myself. Please don’t think that. I am not writing this to boast, to get attention, to say I’m better than anyone else… More I’m writing this for me. This note is for me, to get my thoughts organized, to try to understand what’s been bouncing around in my head… if you wanna take time to read it, that’s fine with me and up to you.




I’m finally learning something: I’m not a failure.

Being brought up in a Christian family, going to church, not going to public school, being only tied to Christian activities my whole life, I’ve always been taught that my purpose in life should be to bring Non-Christians to a saving knowledge of and relationship with Jesus Christ. That I need to have unsaved friends that I can be ministering to. That if I don’t have such friends, I either need to make some, or go up to random people on the playground and talk to them about Jesus. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I haven’t had Non-Christian friends.
I don’t go to school – no Non-Christians there. I work at a “Christian” coffee shop where everyone either Is a Christian, or claims to be/claims Christianity – no Non-Christians there. I pretty much stay home, or go to church events – no Non-Christians there.

Ever since I was pretty young, I’ve felt like I was failing: I didn’t have Non-Christians in my life. I never go even to the park so I can walk up to people and talk to them. I haven’t led anyone to Jesus…hence…I’m a failure, right?

Wrong. I’m not a failure.

I – in the last twelve hours – have finally realized that.
While I don’t have Non-Christian friends, I have friends that I can share Jesus with. While I haven’t led anyone “to the Lord,” I have friends that I have (tried?) to influence to do what He wants.
My ministry may not be to non-believers, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing what God has for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a ministry. It doesn’t mean that I’m a failure.

I have been led and taught by “evangelists” my whole life. Don’t get me wrong – I fully believe that every Christian is called to be an “evangelist” in that we are to share Jesus with everyone we come across.

When I stop and think about it, it is when I can minister to my Christian friends that I feel most fulfilled and that I feel most… in tune with what God wants for me – what He’s called me to. I love being able to be there for my friends.
I honestly love being in a place where I can treat my friends the way that Love would treat them, not the way a “best friend” would treat them. If you are very close to me, you know I’ll call you out if you’re doing something that is wrong. If you want me to go with you to do something even questionable, you know I won’t do it. While it can be ridiculously hard, I love it more than I can say. I know that while I may lose a friend for now, maybe some day they’ll see that I love them, that I love them enough to risk the short-term to hopefully influence the long-term…
I would rather spend a day broken hearted, heart-wrenched, sobbing, but being there for a friend, listening to their story, knowing that something’s wrong, knowing they trust me enough to share with me than any other way I can think to spend a day. I my friends to know that I love them enough to rather hear what’s wrong and be sad with them than just to hear the good – or be “sheltered from things that may hurt me” or that I may not approve of.

Anyway… I digress…
If you’ve stuck around long enough to read this, I’d love to hear feedback. Email me? Facebook private message me?
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you.
If you would pray for me as I continue to learn to Love my Savior… :) I thank you for that as well. So much.

Who Am I?

This is something I wrote a while ago and something that I am working on rewriting, but having a tough time with... but here it is.

Who Am I?

I am everyone's cynic; everyone's fun.
I am everyone's laugh; everyone's fuel.
I am everyone's used; everyone's tool.

I am few's confidante; few's friend.
I am few's chauffeur; few's sister.
I am few's companion; few's encouragement.

I am nobodys' princess; nobody's jewel.
I am nobody's precious; nobody's world.
I am nobody's beautiful; nobody's love.

I am who I am; but is it enough??






Go ahead.
I dare you.
Prove me wrong.
Make it from you.
Rewrite it.
But you kno it's true.

Love

"Welcome to life. Fun fact: LOVE HURTS. (Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt, and it feels like I'm alive. Also... Love sings.. When it transcends the bad things, have a heart and try me 'cause without love I won't survive.) (Love is what makes everything worth it.)"



I was just thinking about a friend's status....(^)
My friend has a great description of a few sides of Love, but I wonder if we remember there're more sides...
Yes Love hurts. Yes Love is what you need to survive... however...

Love doesn't always hurt. Love can make you feel like you're floating. Love can make you happy beyond elation. When you love, or are loved , you can feel like you're soaring.
Love is what you need to survive, but even if you had NO love from any human, you'd still have more than you could ever need to survive.
Love isn't only a feeling, it's a choice. Love is the HARDEST choice (I'm CONVINCED) anyone will ever face in their life. Love is the choice to do what is best for the other person. Note that it isn’t the choice to do what the other person wants. Sometimes, it’s the exact opposite. Sometimes real love means risking a friendship to make sure the other person is safe or taken care of.
Love is what makes everything worth it, but it's not human love that we're talking... it's God's love that makes everything truly worth it...
Love may be "the slowest form of suicide", but in the end, if we don't love, we end up feeling empty. Our lives are void of any real meaning. We look back over our lives (however long or short) and feel that we've accomplished nothing of value.
Love is such a powerful thing... Have you ever stopped to think about it? I mean, Hatred is strong. Hatred fuels many people. It gives them a sense of meaning in their lives. Plus, humans enjoy and hang onto their hatred. However, love is bigger and stronger. Only love can break down the walls of hate. Only love can give TRUE meaning to a person's life.



Please don't think I'm saying that the sides of love mentioned in this friend's status aren't very real and doesn't affect a huge part of life or anything like that. I just wonder if we remember how much more there is to love. (and I didn't even begin to cover "how much more there is"...)




I’m continually amazed at how our culture devalues the word “love.” I do it myself. I throw the word at nearly all of my girl friends, and some of my guy friends. I throw the word at certain activities, cars, foods, objects, colors, or whatever else. Our culture uses "love" as a title for an action that is supposed to be between two people, who truly love each other and are bonded together in marriage, as if giving it this title makes it ok for other people to do: isn’t everyone supposed to love everyone else? Then I use the same word to describe how I want to feel in a marriage relationship, and again how to describe how God feels about me. This word can’t possibly mean all these things, so why do I use it this way? In some way, I suppose it can mean how I feel about my friends, my future husband, and the way God feels about me (and the way I strive to feel about other people and my Savior)… but I don’t feel the same way about activities, cars, foods, objects, colors, etc. As I think about the word "love," I am ashamed of what I – along with my culture – have done to it. I also desire to get back to the roots of what love means.



Mark 12:30 (New International Version)
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
[When I think about this verse, and realize what it's telling us to do, I can't help but feel guilty. I mean, God loves us sooooo stinkin' much... and he asks for us to love him. But not just love him with a choice, not just love him with an emotion, not just love him with an action... He asks us to love him with EVERY FIBER of our beings. This means our thoughts, our actions, our emotions, our choices, our motives. There's so much more to FULLY loving than we can ever know. ESPECIALLY more than a seventeen year old like me could know or understand...]

John 13:34 (New International Version)
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
[Again, God loves us sooooo much. But now, in this verse, not only is he asking for us to return the afore mentioned love to HIM, but he's also asking us to love EACHOTHER that same way. In my human brain, it makes sense to love God with a love that I cannot comprehend, but to love other humans that way?? You mean I have to love my parents, brother, enemies, friends, BEST friends, friends-turned-not-so-much the same way? wow.]

John 13:35 (New International Version)
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
[What's the one thing that makes us different - truly different - from the rest of the world? I mean, yes the thing is Jesus, but what is the major "side effect" of having Jesus? It's the love we have, the love we show to other people. Think about this: if a non-Christian were to show love that is Completely selfless, love that is complete - from every FIBER of their being - what would we think? would it even be possible? ...I don't think it would. Honestly, I DO NOT think someone who doesn't have Jesus is even capable of such love... and honestly, I'm not even sure someone who DOES have Jesus is actually capable of such love, but we can strive for it, and we can grow ever closer...]

John 14:15 (New International Version)
If you love me, you will obey what I command.
[This one really strikes me... If I love God, then I WILL do what he commands. So, somehow, my actions and what I do or don't do reflect how much I love my Savior. Then, if that's the case... the same carries over to my parents. How I obey (or disobey) my parents is a reflection on how I love them. If I truly love them (this time "them" being my parents OR God) I will WANT to obey them, because I will want to do everything I can to make Them happy, and I will know that obviously obedience will make them much more happy than disobedience, non-obedience, delayed obedience, half-obedience...]

John 15:9 (New International Version)
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.
[“Remain in my love.”…. what does this mean? How does one REMAIN in God's love? I mean, his love is unconditional, so shouldn't we never be able to be outside of it? And yet, there is obviously something here we are supposed to be doing... We are supposed to have God’s love flowing though us. When a sponge is IN water, it has the water in it, surrounding it, flowing through it. Is this what this verse is talking about? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure that if we’re not IN God’s love, there’s no way that His love will be flowing through us.]

Psalm 36:7 (New International Version)
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
[God’s love protects us. His love is perfect. The love of a father causes that father to do everything he can to protect his children, but his love is limited by his humanity, his resources are limited by his humanity and situation in life, his power is limited by his resources and by his humanity and situation in life. So... God is our father, and he is All Powerful, Limitless in His love, and has no limits on His “resources.” If a human father would do anything he could for his beloved children and keeps them safe, how much more would our Heavenly Father do the same, and how much more safe would we be there in His love?]

Proverbs 10:12 (New International Version)
Hatred stirs up dissension,
but love covers over all wrongs.
[Hate is strong. Hate is often considered to be the strongest emotion. But this verse points out that love is stronger. Love makes it so that somehow wrongs are ok… not as in it’s ok for the wrongs to be committed, but it’s ok… the person who committed them is ok.]

Song of Solomon 8:7 (New International Version)
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.
[How awesome is this? Love is enduring. Love is strong. Love is steadfast. Love is of so much more value than riches.]

Isaiah 54:10 (New International Version)
Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
[Wow. What can I say? God’s love is so unbelievable! All I can do is Praise and Thank him for his love toward me.]

Matthew 5:46 (New International Version)
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
[‘Nough said? “Even the tax collectors”… Now I don’t claim to be a Bible scholar or anything like that, but from what I understand… This’d be similar to saying “even the politicians” in our culture. As Christians we are supposed to show God’s love, which extends to EVERYONE. It doesn’t matter if a person loves me or not, I’m supposed to love them.]