There’s a question always ringing.
It’s in my head; pain it brings.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?
There’s a questions burning deep
It is always close, close with me.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?
There’s a question down inside
Buried deep - the depths of my mind.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?
Give me answers, let me know.
All this pain I do not show.
Is it always gonna be like this?
Do I always have to live like this?
The pain you bring,
Do you know how much you sting?
The pain I bear,
Do you know, or care?
This question always ringing…
This question burning deep…
This question down inside…
These answers I do not know…
Is it always gonna be like this?
Brittany Stichter, September 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Growing Up...(though some would point out: not literally...) :P :)
SO! Driving down to the pool store: Elmo flying out the window (holding his hand), a teddy bear buckled into the carseat behind me, and a duck each on the antenna and dashboard... YES this is how I celebrate my last day as a child, NO it won't change tomorrow when I'm an "adult"... Welcome to Brittany!! :D :D :D
Yepp. I turn 18 tomorrow... I'm pretty excited, not gonna lie.
Now, I know that it's not some magical day where my life completely changes, and I no longer have any parental authority over me, and I'm free to do whatever I want...
For one, I want to know why our culture gets soooo excited about 18.... for example, what is it about tomorrow that I AM allowed to check out R rated movies at the library (not that I plan to! ...well...unless I find Gran Torino, maybe...) ;) but I'm not mature enough today? I reaallllllyy don't understand the huge difference. I also know for a fact that I won't wake up tomorrow feeling any different (except maybe more rested, since my wonderful Mother is taking my shift at the shop!! :D)...idk. Just seems weird to me.
BUT anyway... As I was driving around, holding Elmo's hand and THOROUGHLY enjoying my ducks and teddy bear, I was thinking about growing up... (yeah, I know, it doesn't exactly seem like I'm growing up much, right?? :P)
I really don't want get all "I'm 18... I'm so amazing and adultish. Plus, I can't play with teddy bears and Elmo balloons, because it's not cool and I might look stupid..."..... that's so sad and boring...
So all the sayings like "you don't stop having fun because you grow old; you grow old because you stop having fun"? I'm planning to live that. While it might be cliche, it seems so true to me...
Yepp. I turn 18 tomorrow... I'm pretty excited, not gonna lie.
Now, I know that it's not some magical day where my life completely changes, and I no longer have any parental authority over me, and I'm free to do whatever I want...
For one, I want to know why our culture gets soooo excited about 18.... for example, what is it about tomorrow that I AM allowed to check out R rated movies at the library (not that I plan to! ...well...unless I find Gran Torino, maybe...) ;) but I'm not mature enough today? I reaallllllyy don't understand the huge difference. I also know for a fact that I won't wake up tomorrow feeling any different (except maybe more rested, since my wonderful Mother is taking my shift at the shop!! :D)...idk. Just seems weird to me.
BUT anyway... As I was driving around, holding Elmo's hand and THOROUGHLY enjoying my ducks and teddy bear, I was thinking about growing up... (yeah, I know, it doesn't exactly seem like I'm growing up much, right?? :P)
I really don't want get all "I'm 18... I'm so amazing and adultish. Plus, I can't play with teddy bears and Elmo balloons, because it's not cool and I might look stupid..."..... that's so sad and boring...
So all the sayings like "you don't stop having fun because you grow old; you grow old because you stop having fun"? I'm planning to live that. While it might be cliche, it seems so true to me...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Mad at God
God is so good. When I was feeling friendless, he brought one of my best friends from when I was younger back into my life.
…then she was moving.
God showed me that I had two other best friends who I hadn’t even thought of.
…they both left for college.
I was upset. I was hurt. I was lonely. Then I realized: I was mad at God.
I had never been mad at God before. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do.
I was talking with one of my closest friends about it. The night before, I had been told "go ahead and be mad at God. He's big enough to handle it. Be mad, yell at him. He doesn't care." Now today I was told “keep fighting.” …I always thought I wasn’t supposed to be mad at God. I thought I wasn’t supposed to fight God.
The next thing I was told was to think of God as my father. My father….. My father hates it when I’m hurt. He hates it when I am lonely. He wants me to come to him, to look for love and companionship in him. He doesn’t want me to be mad at him, but he’s bigger than my anger. He’s bigger than my pain.
I’m not supposed to fight God, but I’m also not supposed to just give up, never get over it, not learn anything from it,
Anger happens. Jesus got angry. Each and every one of us has heard many times “Anger isn’t wrong, what you DO with your anger is what makes it wrong.”
Angry happens. Getting angry at God… I still don’t know what I think. Anger results from feeling cheated, like you aren’t getting what’s rightfully yours, what you deserve.
God never cheats us. He DOESN’T give us what’s rightfully ours or what we deserve, but we can’t get angry about that: all we deserve is death, condemnation, Hell…
I still don’t know what I think about getting angry at God…
I know I have to chose not to be angry at God anymore.
God will provide the friends I need. He won’t leave me missing something I need.
…then she was moving.
God showed me that I had two other best friends who I hadn’t even thought of.
…they both left for college.
I was upset. I was hurt. I was lonely. Then I realized: I was mad at God.
I had never been mad at God before. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to do.
I was talking with one of my closest friends about it. The night before, I had been told "go ahead and be mad at God. He's big enough to handle it. Be mad, yell at him. He doesn't care." Now today I was told “keep fighting.” …I always thought I wasn’t supposed to be mad at God. I thought I wasn’t supposed to fight God.
The next thing I was told was to think of God as my father. My father….. My father hates it when I’m hurt. He hates it when I am lonely. He wants me to come to him, to look for love and companionship in him. He doesn’t want me to be mad at him, but he’s bigger than my anger. He’s bigger than my pain.
I’m not supposed to fight God, but I’m also not supposed to just give up, never get over it, not learn anything from it,
Anger happens. Jesus got angry. Each and every one of us has heard many times “Anger isn’t wrong, what you DO with your anger is what makes it wrong.”
Angry happens. Getting angry at God… I still don’t know what I think. Anger results from feeling cheated, like you aren’t getting what’s rightfully yours, what you deserve.
God never cheats us. He DOESN’T give us what’s rightfully ours or what we deserve, but we can’t get angry about that: all we deserve is death, condemnation, Hell…
I still don’t know what I think about getting angry at God…
I know I have to chose not to be angry at God anymore.
God will provide the friends I need. He won’t leave me missing something I need.
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