I recently found the blog of one of my LCA friends. I was reading through it tonight and came across a blog that really made me think...
It's stuff that I've thought about before, but still... Every time it comes to mind, I have a new realization, a new determination, a new outcome.
Through My Eyes: Childhood Memories
Some of my childhood memories are, I'm sure, some of the same ones Ben would have... Things like climbing a tree... But I also have memories of other things...
-shoving a friend in the dirt
-bossing my brother
-demanding my way
-manipulating at a concert to sit by who I wanted to...and I'm sure hurting other friends in the process...
Now I stop and think some more... Am I different now than I was? Would I still do these things, and others that I barely even admit to myself that I did? Am I different? Am I worse?
I can see so many ways that I'm different now from who I was a year ago, before LCA, before LGBC, from my earliest memories...
But I can also see so many ways that I'm not nearly as different as I would like to be...
"Wait and See" by Brandon Heath puts it so perfectly:
There is hope, for me yet,
because God won't forget,
all the plans He's made for me
I have to wait and see,
He's not finished with me yet,
He's not finished with me yet!
Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestlin' with my fear.
But oh...He's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
that I'm not here for nothin'.
He's up to somethin'!
